Frequently Asked Questions

Is it true that you have a role in casting movies?

Unfortunately, no, that is not true.

Has anyone ever actually asked you that, given that none of your books have been optioned for movies?

Shut up.

Judging by your online following, it also seems dubious that you even get enough attention to merit a frequently asked questions section on your website.

That wasn't a question.

I know. I'm just, you know, pointing it out.

Thanks. Anything else?

Well, I was gonna say no, but now it feels like you're really milking this humorous approach and not actually helping your readers or potential readers out by providing information or insight into you and your work. Are you just being lazy?

It would appear so wouldn't it. Can you just ask me something? It really makes it easier than having to repartee with myself.

Ok. Who would you cast in the lead role of Neo in The Matrix if it wasn't Keanu Reeves?

Nicolas Cage.

Will you, at some point in the future, genuinely make this an informative and helpful section?

Yes. I'm sorry.